Here We Go Again

"I wish I could have breastfed longer....".

That is the number one phrase I have heard several mommy friends/coworkers say in the last few months. Yesterday this exact phrase was said at least three times in an hour to me from different new moms.

I am a first time mom so obviously it is something new to me. My whole experience has not been pleasant and I understand there are times when one is going to have to formula feed. However, I think majority of the time mommies are not given the support nor the information (benefits, suggests/guidance) they need. In the end they switch to formula and later regret doing so. Why is it that many doctors do not provide the necessary tools to make a clear decision.

Let's go back to my wonderful experience. So I work all day while having contractions, come home get everything ready, have Matt snap some pictures and head for the hospital at 2:00 a.m. Monday morning. We get there and I decide to get what rest I can before being admitted to a room. My water breaks on its own around 4:00 a.m. so now they decide yep you will be admitted. I struggle all morning, they give me pitocin without my knowledge and I end up getting an epidural. When they finally say I can push at about 6:00 p.m. I can't feel anything, they have me labor down, I'm exhausted and have no clue what I am doing. The nurse was not friendly and asked didn't I take my classes. Well yay but I can't feel anything and it is a whole lot different than classes. I'll I can think is I can't wait until the admitting nurse is back at 7:00 p.m. She was so extremely nice and helpful I just knew she would be able to help this tired soon to be mommy out. I pushed for several hours when they told me that I would need to deliver or we would have to have a c-section. It was about 11:00 p.m. and there was no way I was going to have a c-section. So forty-two minutes later and with the help of a vacuum we welcomed our beautiful daughter to our family.

That's when all the joys went out the window because she wouldn't latch. I was told she had a weak suck, no big deal, they would work with us to help... so we thought. There was no discussion of a plan or what would be done. Just go ahead get some sleep see you in the morning.

The next morning a lady came in and said we are gonna take Juliana to work with her weak suck. I was like okay. She grabs Juliana, then proceeds to sit down and use a tube to finger feed her with formula. WHAT? Formula... I want my child to have breastmilk. It was really bothering me, why didn't they ask if I could try to pump, or what about donor milk? I'm so confused.

Later I said I would really like to have a pump so Juliana can get my milk, it is what is best for her and the aide says but you probably won't get but a ml. of milk. I said well that will be a ml of my milk that she will get so could I please get a pump. We also discussed how I am going to school to be a dietitian and I would like her to have donor milk if she needs supplementing instead of formula. The aide says well then you have to sign a form. Okay I will sign... get me the form please. Why was this not offered to me prior to me asking? And why was I treated like it was such a hassle?

Anyways, throughout the whole morning I saw lactation consultants who were going to help Juliana and I work out the bugs. Our room for the next several days would be filled with all sorts of women trying to help get her to latch. None of which were helpful. There were three techniques they had me try. Juliana did try to latch to one side more than the other and would only do so in football position. They other ways were not working. I had one lady sit for hours trying to get her to latch sideways with me laying down. Obviously it wasn't working and she was just getting frustrated. I was treated like oh your a first time mom and have no clue. They were right I didn't have any clue but one thing I did know was it should be natural for a baby to latch... there was something else going on. On top of this they brought in a nipple shield to have me try. Everything was a disaster and I just wanted to go home.

We did have some luck getting her to latch on the left side with the shield if I squirted a little bit of my pumped milk first. What a mess that was. Knowing now what I know she was not even effectively sucking. Juliana was so patient throughout the ordeal, but because she had lost too much weight and was not gaining it back they discharged us and had her stay an extra day. They did let us stay in the same room for that extra day so we could be with her. We were still being treated as first time parents who knew nothing, which is so annoying.

On Thursday, the day she was to come home the pediatrician told us she was not where they wanted her to be weight wise but they had heard from the nurses that she may be latching better now (so they thought, I didn't tell them any different I wanted to go home) so they went ahead and let her come home. Once we got home we had to get her up in weight because they wanted us back in two days. Juliana wouldn't latch when we got home and there was no way I was given her formula. So I would pump ...but my pump was not getting anything. Ugh.

My mom had come down to help, which I am grateful for, but that was stressful in itself because she thought that it was me and all I heard about was a manual pump plus I got to do this or that to get my milk in. She had Joanne come down to breastfeed Juliana, which was okay, but I wanted to be the one feeding her. Juliana didn't suck long and Joanne had said she was real dainty about it. Well she did have a weak suck. There were many ups and downs for the next five and half weeks. Times where I thought things were going good and no more worries. We went through times when my pump was working okay and then all of sudden nothing again. I thought it was me, I was failing my daughter, lactation consultants were not helping and the doctor got after us for using a nipple shield. It was so frustrating. I pumped every other hour just trying to get what little bit I could. Then I would walk away dripping. Nothing made sense to me.

It was not until my professor reached out to me about some of my assignments. We were suppose to be doing journal article reviews for my nutrition class and I said I am sorry but I don't really have anything to write about unless it has to do with breastfeeding. I told her nothing was working to get my daughter to latch and I was overwhelmed. She sent several links for me to read, many which Matt had already looked into, but she also gave me her number and said call me. I called her. Thank God for her. She talked to me for a couple hours, gave me several suggestions but craniosacral therapy was at the top of her list. I had always wanted to do chiropractic care for Juliana just because I heard it was good to get things realigned after going through the birth canal. However, I didn't understand all the benefits.

So I finally found a chiropractor who does craniosacral therapy in Burlington. Little miss Juliana started latching within 24 hours. It was amazing. No more nipple shield, no more struggle. I am so grateful. During this time I was having my own issues with healing and what not so I had been put on pain meds. I tried to not take them but there were a few times I did need to take them. Well I feel asleep with her in my arms and she rolled right onto the floor. I noticed a change in her latching. She still latched and it wasn't a struggle but it was with excruciating pain. I kept telling my mom something is not right. It shouldn't hurt. I had read articles that my professor sent me about if there is pain something is not right. In my head all I could think was something is probably out of whack from me letting her fall.

She was scheduled for a follow up in just a few days anyways so I endured through the pain, although I really wanted to just pump and give her a bottle. But it was only when I nursed the right side. When we went back for our follow up I told her what had happened. She made some adjustments because she was slightly out but not like the time before, which I still think was my fault. Good news is though her latch has been amazing since then. I LOVE breastfeeding her now and we get some much bonding time. I love it.

Point in all of this is why did all of this happen? Why couldn't people be upfront? Do they not know? Or what? There has to be other lactation consultants who have heard of craniosacral therapy. Don't you think? I don't know but I am very grateful that my teacher went above and beyond her role as a teacher to provide the necessary information to me and letting me know it WAS NOT me. It should be a natural for a baby to want to latch.

Since then I have read many articles regarding breastfeeding. I've read many posts from mothers who think they couldn't get enough or their baby is not latching right and while I do understand that there will be cases where mothers may have done everything but for whatever reason it didn't work I think majority are not given the information/resources needed. As with some of the mommies I have talked to recently.

Like I told them it takes a lot of work and I do understand but the benefits are so great. There are even benefits between breastfeeding and pumping/bottling feeding. For example, those who are breastfed have better developed airways. So why are mommies not having this explained to them? Shouldn't the doctors care to tell you that? I don't know maybe I am just nuts when it comes to giving my child the best.

I have heard many moms say that they dried up because they just couldn't get enough. Should you find yourself having low production problems and you have tried all the many techniques to increase it try craniosacral therapy because if you can get your child to effectively latch and suck properly, then your body will be able to produce adequately. If your child is not effectively emptying your breasts then of your course your body won't know to produce more, which may cause a low production.

Or try getting a different pump. Remember when I said my mom annoyingly talked about her manual pump all the time when I was struggling. Well guess what she was right after about six weeks of not being able to get hardly anything and having many ups/downs we went to wal-mart got a $30 manual. It worked amazingly for me. Maybe a different pump will help. Every baby is different, every pregnancy is going to be different so find what works for you.

There are so many things that one can try and I know it can be so frustrating trying to find what works. But reach out don't be ashamed of it. I know I was so embarrassed that I was struggling. Mommies really do need support. Be there for them. That is the reason for all my posts about breastfeeding not to go on and on about my experience. It is to let you know you are not alone.

As of right now I got so much milk it is coming out of freezers. I'm so glad I stuck with it and found the support I needed, I'm grateful for all of those who have supported my breastfeeding and listened to all my struggles... friends, family, coworkers. Now I just want to help others if there is anything I can do reach out to me even if you just want someone to listen.

I'll leave you with one last read. I've posted it before but I really think it helps put things into perspective.